So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
