Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
