So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
