windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
