playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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