i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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