I smell stomach acid.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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