i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
