I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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