you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
