Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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