Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
