I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
