Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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