"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
