I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In other news, I just burned my penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
