i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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