His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
