hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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