and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
