He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
