turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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