his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
