the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
