can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
