where am i from again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
