I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
