Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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