i barfeds in our rink
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
