i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
