I need to stop coming to work sober
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
