he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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