I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just found puke in my bra..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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