Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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