youre lurking in front of me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pants are for mortals
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
