It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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