You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
