My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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