Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
