He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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