honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
