were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
