i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i dont even know how to be here
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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