Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
