you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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