he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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