i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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