Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
