Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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