I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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